dimecres, 28 de febrer de 2007


First Fish: [in tank] Oh shit! It's Mr Creosote.|Maitre D: Ah good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?|Mr Creosote: Better...|Maitre D: Better?|Mr Creosote: Better get a bucket, I'm going to throw up.|Maitre D: Gaston! A bucket for monsieur!|Maitre D: Merci Gaston.|Mr Creosote: I haven't finished!|Maitre D: Oh! Pardon! Gaston!... A thousand pardons monsieur. [Puts the bucket back.]|Maitre D: Now this afternoon we monsieur's favourite - the jugged hare. The hare is *very* high, and the sauce is very rich with truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.|Maitre D: Thank you, Gaston.|Mr Creosote: There's still more.|Maitre D: Allow me! A new bucket for monsieur. And the cleaning woman. And maintenant, would monsieur care for an aperitif? Or would you prefer to order straight away? Today for appetizers... er... excuse me... moules marinieres, pate de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux - that's leek tart - frogs' legs amandine or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd - c'est a dire,little quails' eggs on a bed of pureed mushrooms, it's very delicate, very subtle...|Mr Creosote: I'll have the lot.|Maitre D: A wise choice, monsieur! And now, how would you like it served? All mixed up in a bucket?|Mr Creosote: Yes. With the eggs on top.|Maitre D: But of course, avec les oeufs frites.|Mr Creosote: And don't skimp on the pate.|Maitre D: Oh monsieur I can assure you, just because it is mixed up with all the other things we would not dream of giving you less than the full amount. In fact I will personally make sure you have a *double* helping. Maintenant quelque chose a boire - something to drink, monsieur?|Mr Creosote: Yeah, six bottles of Chateau Latour '45 and a double Jeroboam of champagne.|Maitre D: Bon, and the usual brown ales...?|Mr Creosote: Yeah... No wait a minute...
I think I can only manage six crates today.|Maitre D: Tut tut tut! I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night...?|Mr Creosote: Shut up!|Maitre D: D'accord. Ah the new bucket and the cleaning woman.|Maitre D: Monsieur, is there something wrong with the food?|Guest: No. The food was... excellent...|Maitre D: Perhaps you are not happy with the service?|Guest: Er no... no... no complaints.|Guest's Wife: It's just we have to go - um - I'm having rather a heavy period.|Guest: And... we... have a train to catch.|Guest's Wife: [as if covering for her previous gaffe] Oh! Yes! Yes... of course! We have a train to catch... and I don't want to start bleeding over the seats.|Guest: Perhaps we should ne going...|Maitre D: Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much, so nice to see you and I hope very much we will see you again very soon. Au revoir, monsieur.|Maitre D: ... Oh dear... I've trodden in monsieur's bucket. Another bucket for monsieur...and perhaps a hose...|Companion: Oh Max, really!|Maitre D: And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.|Mr Creosote: No.|Maitre D: Oh sir! It's only a tiny little thin one.|Mr Creosote: No. Fuck off - I'm full... [Belches]|Maitre D: Oh sir... it's only *wafer* thin.|Mr Creosote: Look - I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.|Maitre D: Oh sir, just... just *one*...|Mr Creosote: Oh all right. Just one.|Maitre D: Just the one, sir... voila... bon appetit...||Maitre D: Thank you, sir, and now the check.|[Some time later.]|Maitre D: You know, Maria, I sometimes wonder whether we'll ever discover the meaning of it all working in a place like this.|Maria: [shrugs] Oh, I've worked in worse places... philosophically speaking.|Maitre D: Really, Maria?|Maria: Yes... I used to work in the Academie Francaise. But it didn't do me any good at all... And I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid, But it didn't teach me nothing, I recall... And the Library of Congress, you'd have thought would hold some key...But it didn't. And neither did the Bodleian Library. In the British Museum I hoped to find some clue, I worked there from 9 till 6 - read every volume through, But it didn't teach me nothing about Life's mystery...I just kept getting older, and it got more difficult to see. Until eventually me eyes went and me arthritis got bad, And so now I'm cleaning up in here - but I can't really be sad, Cause you see I feel that Life's a game You sometimes win or lose, And though I may be down right now At least I don't work for Jews...| Maitre D: I'm so sorry... I had no idea we had a racist working here... I apologise... most sincerely... I mean... where are you going - I can explain... oh, quel dommage...||

*Iutup localitzat a Can Xmiquel